Put on a pair of gloves before you begin, since jalapeño oils can seriously irritate your skin. Slice each pepper in half lengthwise, then use a small spoon to scrape out the seeds and membranes. Set the hollowed halves aside on your prepared baking sheet.
In a mixing bowl, combine the softened cream cheese, shredded cheddar, chopped scallions, garlic powder, and smoked paprika. Stir everything together until it's smooth and evenly blended. This filling is what gives the poppers their rich, savory center.
Use a small spoon to fill each jalapeño half generously with the cheese mixture. Press it in gently so it's level with the edges, which helps the dough wrap around neatly later. Repeat until every half is filled.
Unroll the crescent dough and cut it into thin strips, about a quarter inch wide. Wrap two or three strips around each stuffed jalapeño, leaving a small gap open near the top for the candy eyes to peek through later.
Brush the wrapped poppers with the beaten egg, which helps them turn a beautiful golden color in the oven. Bake at 400°F for about 20 minutes, until the dough is puffed and golden and the filling is hot and bubbly.
As soon as the poppers come out of the oven, press two candy eyeballs onto each one while the dough is still warm and slightly sticky. Let them cool for a few minutes before serving so nobody burns their tongue.